Discourse on the intersections of politics, feminism, and motherhood.

Saturday, June 10

Ferber Don't Work When Your On Vacation!

When people recount tales from their family vacations one usually hears how they relaxed by the pool, ate out most of the time, took long bathes in the jacuzzi tub, went to the spa, layed out on the beach with a pina-collata, or even got some much needed rest. Going on vacation with your six month old can be difficult at worse and pleasant at best. Lets just cut to the chase and say ours was difficult and somewhat frustrating with moments of enchantment located in between. I envisioned myself lounging on the beach, limonata in hand, with my son in his beach tent snoozing contently and playing in the little pools of water that are created when the tide moves back out to sea. I covered his body in sunscreen, dressed him in his cute little boardshorts, and made sure he had his hat, toys, and anything else he might find interesting......I had planned! Instead, we had a screaming infant who wanted to do nothing but eat sand and then get pissed off because it was in his eyes. He didn't want to be held and he didn't want to sit down. He didn't want to nurse and he didn't want any juice. He was just pissed we had even considered bringing him to this beach place. After his initial interest in the waves and sand he was over it! I envisioned my husband and I taking long romantic bathes in the gigantic jacuzzi tub that was in our villa. Instead we made it into the tub once at 8:30 in the morning due to our child's inability to take any naps. I envisioned us walking around, shopping, eating lunch and breakfast as we took in the scenery. Instead we stepped out for two hours at a time and rushed back trying desperatly to achieve a successful nap. He also decided to master pulling up so he could stand up in his pack and play and preceeded to hang his arms over the side crying each and every time we put him down for a nap or put him to bed for the night. There should be a disclaimer; Ferber doesn't work when your on vacation. Each night we were awakened at 9:00 pm, 12:30 am, and 2:30 am. We were really lucky to keep him asleep until 6:30 am, thus that sleeping in thing doesn't apply. Our sleep structure that we worked so hard to impliment and home went to shit, and the little one was not happy about it. So, as for being rested; lets just say I came back exhausted. Enveloped in these moments of discontent were also moments of calmness and serenity. His little facial expressions when the waves washed over his legs were priceless and our long walks before bedtime, meant as a calming device, ended up providing some great family time. We even had dinner out once with no catastrophies and the last evening we managed to get him in bed at 8:00 pm, an hour after his usual bedtime which we counted as a success, and cooked dinner on the grill.
As parents you get to know your child a little more each and every day. This vacation brought to light some personality traits that I suspected existed, but had chalked up to age. My child is a creature of habit. He thrives on stability, continuity, predictablity, and interspersed moments of intense action. He is most comfortable at home taking a nap approximately every two hours and eating every three. He likes to sit in the same chair to eat his breakfast and dinner, and likes to take a bath in his bathroom with his toys. He likes his face to be free of food remnants and prefers to sleep peacefully in his own bed with his silky, cookie monster, and sometimes the cat by his side. Spontaneous experiences of which he is not ready for and that cut into his time managment are not welcome and only perpetuate aggravated sleep and annoying car rides. He will not accept being strapped down so the car seat is not a happy place accept when it's time for a nap, then he will sleep in it. His patience is thin, his fuse short, and his intellect sharp. He knows what he wants and wants it yesterday. His curious mind works quick and his intense focus on whatever he is doing allows him to acheive goals with little or no problems.
A parenting magazine I read recently told me I had a difficult child. I wonder how many parents interpret their child's personality traits to be those of a difficult child and then encounter those traits in an adult or maybe themselves and not think anything of it? One can not expect a child to remain one way: easy to parent, and then aquire certain traits that make them active go-getters when the time is right: say when they enter school. I think the trick to parenting is learning how to explore new and inventive ways to participate in your child's way of doing things; to see the world through your child's eyes. It may be a rocky road, but balance of discipline and autonomy can be reached.
As for the family vacation, it will always exist in the memory books and will improve with time. We didn't get sunburned and got to experience our child's first time in the ocean; a moment that can never be repeated!


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